


OTP: White Picket Fence

by commanderlurker (honeybee592)



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Originally Posted on Tumblr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-09-06 23:43:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 41
Words: 17,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16842811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeybee592/pseuds/commanderlurker
Summary: Since tumblr is in meltdown, I'm posting my Dinah Shepard/James Vega fics and prompt answers here.Mix of ratings. Lots of baby fic.





	1. Things you said when you thought i was asleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 8 March 2016  
> arandomfactoid asked: 12- things you said when you thought i was asleep with James & Dinah?

Shepard should be asleep. James should be asleep too, but he’s singing under his breath. She’d tell him to shut up and get some rest before Garrus called him to do the next watch, but it’s kinda cute. Like being sung a lullaby. She doesn’t know what he’s saying–it’s all Spanish, or James’ own brand of Spanish. She recognises _pendejo_ , which he’s used often enough to describe the Council, brass, decision makers in general. She’s pretty sure lullabies don’t have words like that in them. Not ones for kids, anyway. **  
**

He shuffles, has rolled over by the sounds of it. His voice is clearer now. Must be facing her. They’re both huddled up on long benches, a table between them. Some shitty prefab was is best cover they could get while chemical-filled storms raged outside. And out in the little enclosed portico would be Garrus, eyes keen and rifle ready. Not that there could be any threats out there. Not in this weather.

James’ singing slowed, stuttered through a few yawns. Maybe once he got to sleep, Shepard would be able to sleep too.

“Ah, James,” he says to himself, ending with a huff. “She’s right there, _pendejo_. She’s right there and you’re here, doing what? Give up. She’s not yours to have.”

Shepard freezes, then moderates her breath, long and slow, like she’s asleep. He clearly thinks she’s asleep. She’s not sure she caught all he said and the blood rushing through her head keeps her from hearing any more. He’s stopped singing, stopped talking. No chance of sleep now.

After enough time passes with no more sound from his side of the room, Shepard rolls over and risks a peek. He’s on his side, facing her, hands pressed under his head. He’s not quite the picture of virtue but then again, neither is Shepard. She could be his, he only has to ask…


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 13 Jan 2016

Shepard foolishly lets James come bra shopping with her at This One’s Intimate Apparel.

“Ooh, Lola! I like this one! And this one.” He grabs bras off the racks with no regard for the size. “Look at this one, it’s got _space_ on it. You like space.”

He squeezes the bras with squishy cups that advertise their GRAVITY DEFYING BOOST and coos. 

Shepard gets more and more frustrated but James is too excited to notice. She snaps when he hands her a pink bra that is clearly meant for Krogans rather than humans.

“James. Please. Focus. Black sports bra. That’s all I need.”

He looks at her with big hazel eyes, looks down at the bright red lacy balconette bra with matching knickers, looks back up at her.

“But…” He holds up his find. “Boobs?” The single word comes out as a plaintive, pleading question.

Shepard rolls her eyes. “Yeah. You like boobs. I get it.” 

She lets him choose _one_ fancy bra. He goes for the one with nebula fabric, picks out the matching knickers.

The hanar at the counter floats and hums, compliments Shepard’s choice, asks if she’d like to earn loyalty points on her purchase, then wraps the set in an almost… _suggestive_ manner.

When they get back to their quarters, James is wracked with indecision. “I just don’t know Lola,” he says as Shepard uclips her space bra for the tenth time. “Clip it up again.” 

Shepard sighs. “Are we gonna fuck of not?” 

The bra and panties fly at him, and then Shepard’s there, naked, pinning him down and he’s got those boobs in his face.

“Yeah. Okay. Without,” he mumbles though a face full of N7 breasts.


	3. Chapter 3

Damn, could life be more sweet? Well, as long as he didn’t think about what was going on out there, then, hell yeah! Sweet as a peach. Speaking of peaches… James squeezed Shepard’s ass, grinned as his gaze raked over her body, took in those thick thighs clamped around his. Her toned torso, muscles chiseled from hours of dedicated work and damn, her firm breasts, right there in front of him. This woman right here, he’d follow her to hell back had–shit, he already had, and here she was, sat on his lap. That feeling would never get old.

“I love you.” He shouldn’t have said it. He didn’t mean to. Just slipped out, emotions and shit getting the better of him. Lola did that to him, always pushing him off balance. His skin prickled, hot under her fingertips.

She looked up from staring at his chest, eyes soft. Her body remained relaxed. How could she stay so calm?

“You don’t have to say it,” James said, meeting her eyes. “I just… yeah.” He trailed off, glancing away, unable to take her scrutiny. _Keep shovelling, idiot. Keep digging that hole._

He lay there under Shepard, exposed. No cover. No armour. One plain old shot straight to the heart and he’d be done. Didn’t seem like such a bad idea right now.

She patted his chest, almost patronising. Teasing. But that’s what she did.

“Yeah. Soon, James.”

The tension drained from James’ body, heart hammering from relief rather than panic. She might… feel the same? Holy shit. He hadn’t fucked up then. Not completely.

Shepard rolled off James, hand trailing along his arm as she settled on her back. James followed, settling his arms on either side of Shepard’s, his bulk giving him the impression that he held all the cards now. He didn’t, he knew that, but he liked to think he did.

She squeezed his shoulders, licked her lips. “Come on big guy. Show me how much you care.”

James snorted, dipping down and kissing Shepard’s neck. _Whatever you say, Lola_


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 5 May 2015  
> Period sex! :D or D: You decide.

“Hey gorgeous. ETA ten hours. But, bad news. Got an unwanted passenger who’s gonna stick around for a few days. So… we’ll just have to deal, I guess. See you soon. Love you.”

Shepard had left the voice message six hours ago. That gave James enough time to put the house in order, bring in some supplies, then head out to the docks to pick her up.

Shit, he’d missed her so damn much. His heart beat a little harder at the thought of having her in his arms again. And their visitor? Well, that just meant he’d have to be a bit more creative than usual.

*

They managed to get home with most of their clothes still on but that changed as soon as the front door cycled shut.

Shepard shoved James against the door, peeling his tee off to plant hot, hurried kisses to his chest. She paused just long enough for James to pull her bra out the way but then she returned, their chests pressed together. Skin to skin. At last. James ground himself against Shepard, seeking friction, satisfaction. More. Needed more. He pulled back.

“Come on. Clothes off. Need to be in you.” He finished what Shepard had started in the shuttle, shoving her trousers down over her ass.

Shepard pulled away, grabbing James’ hand and dragging him towards the bathroom, holding her trousers up. James’ stomach flipped, anticipating just what Shepard had in mind. She flicked the water on and stripped methodically. James followed but his boots caused a hold up–the sort of rookie mistake that would have had him pink with embarrassment had his eyes not caught sight of the shower floor.

Blood dripped onto the tiles, spattered globs stark against the white. Washed away just as quick until another red blob fell. Fear caught in James’ throat. Lola injured, bleeding out. No time for sex. Medigel, stat.

“James, do I have to cut those boots off you?” Shepard’s commander voice snapped through the fog and James remembered: the unwanted visitor.

He glanced up at Shepard, gave her a sultry grin. “Just appreciating the view, Lola.” And damn, she did look good. Long limbs toned, rivers of water coursing over the muscle. Bloody mucus between her legs, clinging to her hair even as the water trailed down. Not injured. Not dying.

“Appreciate it with your hands.”

Boots off, finally. Socks and trousers and briefs added to the pile of clothes on the floor. And–ohh yeah. Hot water on his chest and Lola’s hot hand on his cock. He throbbed under her touch, groaning as he returned the favour. Their frenzied attack didn’t slow; too much lost time to catch up on. Shepard’s hands were everywhere, over James’ chest, his back, squeezing his ass. She ran a hand over his head, sending a spray of water up from the buzz of his hair. He shuddered, spine tingling as Shepard kissed and nipped at his shoulder.

“Fucking hell, you’re horny.” James gritted his teeth as Shepard gave him another vicious kiss.

“‘Course I’m fucking horny. I haven’t seen you in six months And I’m on the rag. Dangerous combination.” She pulled back, looked up at James. “Help me up or I swear I will climb you like a tree.”

Well he wasn’t gonna argue so he lifted her up, his hands under her thighs as her legs clamped around his waist. He tried to lower her onto his cock but quickly realised that wasn’t going to work. Shepard figured it out at the same time and adjusted her grip on his shoulder, reaching down to wrap her fingers around him. He moaned at the contact, pulled his head back from Shepard’s lips as he felt the head of his cock nudge her cunt.

He sank into her. A slick and easy glide and they both groaned at the fit. Didn’t take them long to get the right rhythm but the water made holding on a little precarious. James didn’t care though. He’d take the scratches and pinches from Shepard’s fingers digging into his arms and back. He knew his own hands would be doing the same, pressed into her thighs and ass.

Shepard groaned, head falling back until she got a facefull of water. She spluttered and James took a step to the side but his footing slipped. Their rhythm faltered and they both swore.

“Fucking shower sex, man.” Shepard said, wiping her face and shutting off the shower.

James agreed, setting her down. But they weren’t done. Far from it. Shepard chucked a towel at him while she started drying off. James lamented the clean sheets he’d put on the bed this morning. Knew he should’ve left the old ones on.

Ah, fuck the sheets. He chucked his towel, headed for the door but Shepard pulled him in. Fresh, clean skin rubbed his, hands tugging. He found himself on the floor, sat on a pile of clothes and towels. Shepard climbed on top, sinking onto his cock. Fuck, so hot. And her boobs were right there in front of him, nipples hard. As Shepard ground on his cock, James leant up, taking one of those nipples between his lips, sucking and licking. Shepard groaned, able to let head fall back now. Her fingers clawed at James chest as the pair of them rutted on the bathroom floor. What a welcome home this was.

James picked up the pace, encouraged by the desperate moans escaping Shepard. Damp heat hugged his balls and groin, in his hair. Not the usual sticky sex sweat but something else. A sharper smell. He knew if he looked down he’s see blood smeared over his skin.

He craned his neck, looked down. Couldn’t see much more than his cock disappearing into Shepard. _His_ cock. Into _Shepard_. Holy hell, would he ever get over that? The giddiness that the great Commander Shepard had chosen him, James Vega. That satisfaction never got old. Lust spiked in him as he thrust up, needing to come.

Shepard bore down on him, pushing him over the edge. He held on to her, teeth gritted as he came hard and hot and loud. Shepard buried her face against his neck, moaning and sucking, writhing as she drew out his orgasm.

They stilled, clinging to each other, really holding each other for the first time in so long. The white noise in James’ ears subsided until all he heard was Shepard’s ragged breaths. Then her stomach rumbled. She laughed, saying she hadn’t eaten since getting on the transport home, then slipped out of him and staggered back to the shower. James looked up at her all dozy as she proceeded to clean herself up. She gazed back at him, small smile tugging at her lips.

His bones felt like jelly and he knew he’d make an idiot of himself if he tried to stand. So he crawled back the shower and sat against the wall, getting a great view of Shepard’s long powerful legs, her cunt and curls, all bloody and luby. He licked his lips. Then water sprayed in his face. He sputtered, rubbing his eyes. Shepard had gotten out and picked up a new towel, drying herself off properly.

“Food, then round two?” she asked.

James grinned, getting to his feet finally. “Damn right. Lola.” He cupped his cock, running his hand along the shaft. “Only you can be on your back next time.”

Shepard raised her eyebrow. “We’ll see about that.” She gave a teasing laugh, grabbing a pad and pulling her briefs back on. She winced as she adjusted herself. “Sorry about the mess.”

James flicked water at Shepard, waving her apology away. “Hey. Lola. Takes more than Aunt Flow to keep my hands off you.”

She smiled again and left James to finish up. Round two, he thought as he stroked himself, thinking of the possibilities.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 16 April 2015

Ah, fucking mother fucker. James slammed the controller on the couch. 

“Lola!” he yelled. “Loooolaaaa!”

Dinah poked her head round the door.

James held the controller up and turned on the puppy eyes. Dinah sighed and sat down, taking the controller off James. 

He watched her watching the screen. She was kinda turning him on.

“Done.” She handed the controller back and left.

“You wanna have sex?” he yelled.

“I’d just have to do it for you,” she yelled back.

 _Damn_.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 25 March 2015

Shepard spends more time than is healthy just staring at James. He doesn’t really notice; his back is to her most of the time. She’ll find an excuse to go down to the shuttle bay, maybe talk with Steve, maybe clean out her weapons. 

And she’ll stare at his back. 

Wistful.

She struggles to think of something work related to talk to him about. There’s the N7 programme, sure. Reapers. Husks. Dinosaurs. Inevitable death. But she can’t find those words. Other questions bubble up. How’d you get that scar? How many pull ups can you really do? Where did you grow up? Ever been in love? Will you cook me eggs for breakfast? Can you hold me and never let go? Please?

“Hey Lola. You hear that hum?” He concentrates on the gun in front of him, barely casting her a glance.

Even James Vega is better at asking questions than Shepard.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 13 Dec 2014

Kaidan’s relationship with his biotics is… complicated. He can find it hard to separate the man from the weapon, the inherent violence he’s capable of. Biotics aren’t all about destruction though, he knows that. But shaking old habits, reconciling the past–that’s not always easy.

The reconstruction effort on Earth has him using his biotics just as much as he did during the war. Only now he’s helping to clear debris, lift struts, and hold walls in place. It’s good work, he likes it. Gives him focus and he’s being constructive rather than destructive. Makes a nice change. But using his biotics on rubble is not the same as using his biotics on people. That’s still… difficult.

Somewhere along the way, all that changes. Probably around the time when Shepard and James have April, actually. He finds himself catching food dropped from the high chair in a stasis field, picking up dropped teddy bears, doing tricks to make her laugh.

She’s a small child, so lifting her isn’t all that taxing on his biotics. And, it turns out, that makes her the perfect cherry picking partner. He can float her up to the tops of the trees, or at least give her a boost so she can clamber up the branches herself. All he has to do is hold out the bucket and catch what she drops. No ladders, no sore neck. Though the yield always goes down when she helps. Her purple-stained lips and fingers give her away. But that’s okay. He’s soon stuffing his face too. And he definitely doesn't use his biotics to make sure he wins the cherry stone spitting competitions.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 24 Nov 2014

They hadn’t been able to find a babysitter. All their usual aunts and uncles were going to be at the ball as well so they had no option but to take April with them.

“She’s gonna sick up on my blues,” Shepard complained as April twisted in her arms and grizzled. “And she’ll poo and it’ll stink. And what if I need to feed her? Maybe I should just stay at home.”

James shifted the bag on his shoulder and lifted April out of Shepard’s hold. “Lola. Calm down. She’ll be fine. Chances are we won’t even see her all night. You know what those admirals’ wives are like.” He blew a raspberry on April’s neck, sending her into hysterics. “No one can resist the charms of the most beautiful baby in the galaxy,” he cooed.  
*  
James had been right. Shepard had only held April twice all night and both times it was to feed her. A guard of other mothers also unable to find babysitters formed around her for privacy. The rest of the time, Shepard watched as April was passed from person to person, though she never really felt like she could relax.

April even stayed quiet during Shepard’s speech, only screaming once Councilor Sparatus took to the podium, much to the amusement of the crowd.

And when she did throw up, it wasn’t Shepard’s dress blues that were stained.

“Got yourself some new epaulets, sir?” Shepard asked with a smirk. “I suppose I should congratulate you on your promotion.”

Hackett just huffed and exchanged the baby for a napkin.


	9. That leather jacket

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 8 Nov 2014

James wasn’t expecting a crowd. Wasn’t expecting to be dragged into this poky little back room hidden behind the requisitions block in Rio, either. He’d braced himself for whatever induction his new family deemed appropriate, leaving the catered food behind with regretful longing. But the haze never came. Instead, some tiny old guy with a tape measure told him to stick his arms out and stand fill. So, what was he doing here, exactly? Getting measured by a tailor, sure, he got that part. But why? He sure as fuck didn’t know the Alliance had their own tailor. Made sense, now that he thought about it. But surely this old guy couldn’t make all the uniforms for the whole Alliance.

He dutifully held his arm out for Officer Poole, stood straight and let the man measure him up. Sweat dampened his shirt, making it cling to his skin. No respite under the bandage on his back either. The fresh ink stung from where he’d made the designation official just a couple of days ago. Since wrapping up his mission and getting the call from Riley telling him “you’re in”, and dragging Shepard out for celebratory tattoos, he’d shaken so many hands, been saluted by anyone who passed him–even superiors. The official induction had been full of military ceremony. But this silence now was freaking him just a bit.

The group stood around, giving James a nod or a wink, a smile whenever he met their eyes. He stood a head or two taller than all of them but under their acknowledgements he dipped his head in an uncharacteristic moment of shyness. He knew them all by name, had served with most of them over the past few months, respected them. They were the Alliance’s best, most elite troops.

They were all N7.

Shepard, Riley, Rizzi, Milque, Myers, Romanov, Huynh, Reyes. Those that weren’t deployed were here, celebrating James’ entry to the club.

Before he could let his pride overwhelm him, Poole patted him on the shoulder, said he was done.

“Time for some grub!” Riley yelled, giving James a shove and a grin as she passed him.

The others all filed out until only Shepard remained. Her eyes sparkled and her smile was so wide it threatened to split her face. She looped her arm around James’, leading them back out to mingle with the others.

“What was all that about?” James asked, tilting his head back in the direction they’d come from.

“Oh, you’ll see,” Shepard replied with a pat to his hand. Then she was gone, stuffing canapes into her mouth and trading friendly insults with Rizzi.

Didn’t look like anyone else was gonna tell him what had just happened, so he shrugged, accepted the handshakes and shoves, and talked shit with the best of them.  
*  
Three days later he was back in Vancouver. Barely had time to unpack his bags before shipping out again. But he felt good. Rested and ready. He’d read the briefs for his upcoming missions, accepted Shepard’s offer to talk tactics without feeling like it was cheating, kissed her goodbye, and maybe a little more. Just had to grab his armour and weapons and he’d be off.

He plugged in the code and his locker door swung open. Now this was a surprise. James stared at the jacket hanging from the rail, couldn’t quite bring himself to touch it in case it turned out to be a holo. But it smelled real all right. He reached out and stroked the sleeve. So soft. The leather melted under his caress. He grabbed it off the hanger, pausing to see ‘VEGA’ stitched into the inside pocket, then pulled it on. Perfect fit across his wide shoulders and trim waist. Shit, of course this was what he’d been measured up for. He thumbed the N7 embroidered on the chest. Damn, he needed a mirror, needed to see if he looked at good as he felt. That bit of vanity would have to wait though. Duty called and James Vega wasn’t about to be late to his first on-board briefing.

He slammed the locked door, picked up his bags and almost smacked into Shepard standing right behind him, arms folded, smirk firmly in place.

“Shit, Lola. Gimme a little warning, no?” His heart hammered, and it wasn’t just from the fright. The way she looked him up and down… damn.

“Lookin’ good James.” Shepard stopped checking him out, met his eyes. She ran her hand up the sleeve, over his shoulder. He leaned into her touch as she caressed his neck, cupped his jaw. “Take care, okay? No unnecessary risks.”

All he could do was nod and trust he wouldn’t let himself–or Shepard–down.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 3 Nov 2014

He could smell her even before he’d slipped her briefs down her thighs, before he’d unzipped her jeans, even. He knew how she’d taste. The scent caught in his nose, making his mouth water.

He closed his eyes to ground himself, surround himself in everything that was her. The musk from her hair would mingle with the salt in her folds as he swept his tongue over her skin.

She’d taste sweet. Not like sugar or honey. More tangy. Sharp like a lime. He’d savour that taste, feel it mellow as he rolled it around on his tongue before swallowing and nosing his way in for more. He’d get greedy, drunk on the sounds escaping her lips, the jerk of her thighs, the scratch of her fingers against his scalp, want more and more of _her_ and she’d give herself up to him. He wouldn’t care about the noises he made, whether slurp or suck. He’d catch every drip with a moan, unwilling to waste a single drop.

He thinks she’s a goddess but the deity is him. He’s the one she pours her libations to. It’s his name she calls in the dark of night, his name catching in her throat as she trembles around him.

He sees all that behind his eyelids. When he opens his eyes, she’s there, laid out before him. Waiting.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 31 October 2014

After the war, a ghost writer helps Dinah Shepard get her stories down for the official memoirs of Commander Shepard. James reads April the drafts as bed time reading and that's the main way April comes to learn about her parents' lives BC (Before Child)

The book has to go through so many levels of sign off, both within the Alliance and the Council. Certain parts pertaining to Cerberus and mission critical details are redacted. But the stories Shepard tells the ghost writer, she doesn’t hold back. It’s cathartic. Let’s her get a lot out of her system that she didn’t even know had been weighing her down.

James sits with her. Kaidan, too. She calls in old friends, Garrus, Tali, Joker, Liara. Everyone sits with her at one point or another. They’ll add details that Shepard’s forgotten, give a point of view that’s different from hers. She learns as much about her Normandy days as they do.

When James reads to April, he uses his story time voice—exaggerated, melodic. He skips a few parts (boring Council politics), tones down others (the horror of the Collectors), rushes over the part where Grandpa Kaidan could so easily have been Dad.

To April, they’re epic tales of adventure. She already thinks her parents are heroes. They can make pancakes and tie shoe laces and scare the monsters away from under her bed. So of course her mother saved the galaxy. Three times. And you can’t save the galaxy without cracking some eggs. Or something like that. The metaphors in these stories don’t always make sense.

And then there are the reunions. April can’t help but overhear stories from her parents’ friends. Wrex and Zaeed tell the best stories. She can sit on their laps and listen to them for hours. Shepard tries to get her to listen to Garrus’ stories, too, but April’s scared of him. Always has been. Not sure why, when she can handle being babysat by a krogan or two.

So, I guess, April grows up surrounded by these stories. The good and the bad. Often the bad are couched in terms of nostalgic amusement. “Hey, Shepard. Remember that time you pushed that Cerberus agent out the window? Or when that thresher maw popped up right under the mako? What about that time Kai Leng was faster than you? Got the bastard in the end.”

When she’s into her second and third years at school, that’s when she starts coming home with difficult questions. “Greg said that his dad said that you’re a terrorist and not a hero at all. Bonny says it’s your fault Thesia is still rooted. Isn’t Liara from there? Liv says you’re a pyjack humper. I don’t know what that means but I punched her anyway.”

They deal with the questions the best they can, setting the answers within stories and concepts she’s already familiar with.

Maybe that’s where her teenage rebellion comes from. At 13, she’s old enough to read the more graphic parts on her own, search out her own information, but she doesn’t necessarily have the emotional maturity to deal with what she discovers. It’s hard when you realise your parents aren’t always right, that they’re not the all conquering heroes that you thought they were. They have flaws and doubts, they fuck up. You realise the world isn’t black and white, like the might have lead you to believe, unknowingly. That their mistakes meant that a friend died. A second of hesitation lead to the destruction of a planet.

That’s heavy stuff to deal with and she’s too old for her dad to tell the story and do the voices any more. But at least they’re still honest when she goes to them with questions. She sees the pain in their faces as they relive a terrible memory, have to explain a questionable decision. But April wants to hear the truth and there’s no one better to talk to than the people that lived it.

So she keeps asking the difficult questions, even if she’ll never fully understand what her parent’s lives were like back then.


	12. Coffee Shop AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 29 October 2014  
> Everyone has a coffee shop au. e v e r y o n e. And this one isn't finished. Skip if you hate unfinished fic.

Shepard drummed her fingers on the the counter top. One nail was longer than the others. It clicked. Thump thump click thump thump. Over and over again. James gritted his teeth, put up with it. The tightness in her jaw told him that speaking now would be a very bad idea. Even a customer right now might be a very bad idea, despite the emptiness of the till. He followed her line of sight, watched the customers pouring into the cafe over the road. His heart rate spiked so he turned away. He ground some beans, just to make some noise, to remind the people walking past their little hole-in-the-wall that Normandy Coffee made coffee. Real coffee. With real milk, perfectly steamed. None of this soya-skinny-single shot bull crap that those Sovereign pricks over the road made.

“Hi-oy!” a cheery voice called through the window.

The drumming stopped. “Hey Conrad,” Shepard said. “Thanks. Want a coffee?”

“Sorry, Shepard. I’m all full of energy already! Got a lot of mail to deliver today.” And he was gone.

Shepard shuffled through the envelopes the postman dropped off, sighed, handed them to James without saying a word. She started drumming again.

Electricity, bank, bank, cup supplier, bank, bean merchant. All invoices and statements. James didn’t need to look at their accounts to know they would have to prioritise, make more than a couple of pleading phone calls, a part payment here and there.

“We make good coffee, don’t we, James?” Shepard looked up at James, just for a moment, before staring across the road again.

“Yeah, Lola. We do.”

“Then why are _they_ all over there?”

“I dunno. Maybe we need to divers–”

“Hey, hey, is that Garrus?” Shepard leaned against the counter, peering at the throng over the road. “Fucking is! What a cunt.” She cupped her hands to her mouth, shouted. “Hey Garrus! Garrus.”

Garrus turned, waved, looked both ways and jogged over. James saw the paper cup in his hand, the green and orange logo printed on the side.

“What you doing over there, asshole? I thought we were your coffee fix?”

James cringed. And she wonders why they’re losing customers. Garrus looked wounded, poor bastard.

“Shepard, hi. I know this looks bad, but I can explain.” Garrus dug around in his pocket, fished out a crumpled note and passed it over. James snatched it before Shepard could throw it back in their friend’s face and grabbed a mug, started on the order while Garrus continued. “It’s the season, you know. Everyone goes crazy for these speciality coffees.”

Shepard flushed red like the candy cane stripe that stuck out of Garrus’ cup.

“It’s always the season,” she spat. “If it’s not mint flavoured lattes in December, it’s pumpkin spice in October. And strawberry hearts in February. Ice cream in June. What’s wrong with the with delight of a good fucking double shot espresso all year long, huh? Why not make it a triple, no extra charge.”

Garrus shifted on his feet. James waited for the steam to reach the correct pressure.

“What the fuck is so great about that place across the road, huh? They’re nothing more than corporate scum stealing off the little guys like us. How are we supposed to pay these bills?” Shepard grabbed the stack and chucked them at Garrus. They scattered over the pavement. “What are we supposed to do, huh? Degrade our integrity by giving ‘the people’ what they want? Fuckers don’t know what they want. Don’t know the perfect espresso if someone shoved it up their ass.” She slammed her palms down on the counter with such a smack that both James and Garrus did a little jump.

James finished making Garrus’ order while Garrus put his Sovereign cup on the ground and picked up all the letters. He slipped them through the window, onto the counter. James slid his coffee over, took the mail away. Shepard stood there, solid, a stone medusa.

“Thanks.” Garrus took a sip. Hummed. “You guys do make good coffee. I’ll spread the word at the office, see if I can’t get a few of the guys to stay on this side of the road.”

“Much appreciated, man,” James nodded farewell as Garrus walked back up the street.

The Sovereign cup remained on the ground, candy cane sticking up half sucked. People walked by. Shepard started drumming her fingers again. Thump thump click thump thump.

*

The bills sat in piles on the table. A stack not due till the 20th: they could wait a while. An overdue stack, only 30 days late. They could wait too. The 90 day and 180 day stacks, well, they needed some attention. Quick.

Shepard sucked on the end of her pen. She needed a cigarette. But she’d quit so they could save money. Stick that twenty bucks in a jar, James had said, and before you know it we’ll have enough for a holiday, a proper one. Ha. Fat chance. Before they knew it the holiday jar was empty. Had to pay for that take-away catering somehow.

She put down the pen, picked up one of the catered bagels that they couldn’t sell today. May as well eat them. She sighed into the crumbs. Dry already. Maybe they should spring for those fancy gluten free rolls and cookies, the vegan ones, filled with special chocolate chunks. All the fucking rage these days. Garrus couldn’t eat wheat, Shepard thought. His girlfriend, too. She couldn’t eat anything, certainly nothing that had even so much as had a peanut waved over it or a cow mooing the wrong way. Still, this current diet fad didn’t help Normandy Coffee. They could barely afford to pay for these pathetic excuses for snacks-on-the-go.

“Let’s dump the food,” Shepard said once she’d washed down the bagel with a luke-warm coffee. “No one buys it and I’m sure as shit sick of eating soggy lettuce for dinner.” She sighed, went to reach out to James but his hand was too far away. She slumped on her outstretched arm. “I miss your cooking. When was the last time we had a fry up, huh? Eggs and hashbrowns. Real hash, from scratch. Bacon. Fuck me, I’d roll around on a plate of bacon right now.”

James looked up, pen in his mouth too, staring off into the distance. He mumbled something about eggs then turned his attention back to the statement in front of him. He took the pen from his mouth, scribbled something on the back of an envelope.

“What if we took Normandy on the road?” James said. Shepard sat up and looked at him. He had that stupid expression on his face. Wide eyes and silly grin that made Shepard’s insides go all gooey but she had no idea what the hell he was talking about. She stared at him until he continued. “The only thing we own outright is the espresso machine and I’m not giving our Italian baby up for adoption. So, what if we chucked her in the back of a caravan, made coffee on the road?”

“What.”

“Become… I dunno. Coffee mercs or something. Just you, me, a car full of beans and a caravan filled with dreams.” James’ eyes sparkled. Actually twinkled. With glee.

“What.”

“Think about it, Lola. No rent, no overheads. We just pull up outside campus, or the stadium on match day, definitely make an appearance at the Farmers Market. We just do coffee. No food. Maybe chocolate fish for the mochas.” He looked so excited. So excited he must have forgotten about the fact they were so far in the black they hadn’t been able to fill the car up in weeks. Seemed a shame to remind him.

“The car doesn’t have a tow ball and we can’t run it on espresso. Where’re we gonna get a caravan from? The bank won’t extend the credit and you’ll eat all the chocolate fish at the traffic lights.”

James waved away her objections, showed her the envelope he’d been scribbling on. She thought it would be a breakdown of debt, a plan to get through the next month with a shred of dignity intact. What he’d written was not a budget. Not even close. He’d drawn a picture. A fantasy. Their crappy old car with a caravan hitched to the back, ‘Normandy Coffee’ written on the side with a lightning bolt underneath and a queue of stick figures at the back. They had dollar sign stink lines coming off their heads.

Shepard snorted. She couldn’t help it. The snort turned into a laugh, deep from her belly. “You’re so cute. Such a dumbass. Keep talking. I haven’t felt this good in ages.”

James grinned and outlined the plan. “Okay, so you’re not going to like this part, but we talk to K. If we make one of those business plans he’s always going on about then he might give us some more money.”

Shepard groaned.

“Lola, worst he can say is no. But if we show him a plan this time, a real plan with numbers all lined up in columns and shit, then he might… Ah shit. C'mere.” He dragged her onto his lap. “We’re not out to conquer the world, not like Sovereign. Just want to make enough so we can go to sleep at night without me having to pretend I can’t hear you cry.” Those big arms wrapped her up so tight, so protective she could almost believe he might be able to make things better with hugs alone. His idea was so stupid and Kaidan’d bailed them out so many times already. But what options did they have? All they knew was coffee but that wasn’t enough anymore.

“Okay. We’ll talk to Kaidan,” Shepard said, and sealed the deal with a kiss.


	13. New food

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 21 October 2018

James wrinkled his nose and his stomach heaved. “Lola, don’t be fu–don’t be cruel. You can’t inflict that shit on kids. Pretty sure it’s against the law.” He caught the first swear, mentally chided himself for missing the second.

Shepard rolled her eyes. “She’s my daughter. That makes her half Australian. She’ll love it, trust me.” She stuck her finger out for April, who sat in the high chair, gurgling away while she sucked on a piece of apple.

“I don’t think genetics works like that. Anyway, you’re not even Austra–” The rest of his protest died in his throat as April dropped the carrot and grabbed Shepard’s finger, drawing her mother’s hand to her mouth. He winced as she gnawed on the thick dark paste, bracing himself for the scream that would be heard from Earth all the way to the Perseus Veil. April’s eyes went wide like they always did when she tried new food. She opened her mouth, stuck her tongue out. Here it was, the objection.

Only the scream didn’t come.

April giggled, little legs kicking in the chair. She grabbed Shepard’s finger and sucked again, whole body vibrating, satisfied ‘gahs’ eeking out over the loud sucks.

Shepard laughed, pulled her finger free, dipped it back in the pot of vegemite and stuck her finger back in April’s mouth. “See? Told you she was Australian.”

James shook his head. “Just wait till she hits the mescal,” he muttered. “Then we’ll know whose daughter she is.”


	14. Dream Wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 12 October 2014

Dream weddings aren’t restricted to the fantasies of little girls. James dreams of his wedding. A massive celebration, surrounded by all his and Dinah’s family and friends. Their friends are their family, since Dinah’s parents died long ago and James’, well.

Hackett would walk Dinah down the aisle. Or maybe Chakwas. Either way, she’d look spectacular. Their wedding day might be the first time he sees her in a dress. He pictures a long flowing dress, shimmering like pearls. Sleeveless, with a scoop neck and satin laces up the back. She’d have that no-makeup makeup look and her hair would be braided all fancy.

James might wear his dress blues, or a tux. He hasn’t decided yet. He knows who’s going to be his best man though. Couldn’t give that job to anyone other than Steve Cortez. Scars and K would be his groomsmen too. Only, he might have to fight Dinah for them. Okay, he’ll concede. She can have Kaidan and Garrus as Man of Honour and Bride’s… Man?

Anyway. It’s going to be a massive party, up at the Alenko orchard. Everyone who is anyone will be there because James wants everyone to know that he is Shepard’s and Shepard is his. He’s been working on his speech, has notes written in a draft on his omni. Been working on it for a few years now.

The food. Dios. Food for everyone, no species left out. And booze. Holy hell, so much booze. And dancing. He’ll have to teach Lola how to dance, otherwise he’ll be dragging her around for their first dance. Hey, that wouldn’t be so bad. She can stand on his feet. She’d giggle the whole time and he’d bury his face in her neck and wonder how a messed up kid like him had managed to score a wonder woman like her. He might cry. But that’s okay. It’s his wedding day. He’s allowed to cry.

At the end of the night, he’ll retire with Dinah to their guest room but they’ll say they’re too exhausted to do anything other than sleep. He’ll help her out of her dress though. While he’s undoing the laces on the bodice, he’ll lean in and plant kisses down her neck and she’ll shiver. And, well maybe they won’t be so tired anymore.

The morning after will be lazy and easy. Most of the guests will have left the previous night, but the old crew will have slept at the orchard, finding a bed where they could. With help from Kaidan and his mom, James will make breakfast for everyone. And maybe margaritas, too. They’ll all sit around talking shit, telling stories about the good old days. Dinah would be at his side, and when she spoke, all eyes would be on her.

It’ll be perfect but it will never happen. Dinah doesn’t want to get married. Still, doesn’t stop James from thumbing the engagement ring and dreaming.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 29 Sept 2014  
> delazeur asked: How terrible are April's teens? Does she rebel? What's her first boyfriend/girlfriend situation like?
> 
> Hc dump rather than fic.

Oh boy. Poor Shep and James. They don’t know what’s happened to their smiling, giggling little girl. It’s not that she gets in with the wrong crowd, or starts pushing their rules or talking back to them. She’s just so _angry_. They don’t know why, she doesn’t know why.

She hates everything and everyone. Grandpa K is suddenly boring and old and “are you sure he’s not my grandpa ‘cause he sure dresses like one.” (Poor K. It’s okay bb. I love your cable knit jumpers and sensible shoes. So do Shep and James)

Shepard and James are more lost now than when she was a baby. At least then they could shove her into Kaidan’s arms and lock themselves in their room and cry themselves to sleep. Now she’s the one stomping around and locking herself in her room and crying.

This is when Zaeed steps in. He’s grizzled, he swears, he smokes and drinks, and tells _amazing_ stories, usually at Shepard and James’ expense. April _loves_ him, hangs off his every word. He takes her off their hands for school holidays ([here](http://commanderlurker.tumblr.com/post/98455693873/spectrezhulik-you-say-what-does-she-end-up-doing), and [here](http://commanderlurker.tumblr.com/post/98451449503/does-april-eventually-get-a-dog-when-she-grows-up)).

But during term time, there are only two things that make April smile: shooting, and Mel. Shepard knows she can trick April into talking about her day over dinner if she asks if she had a good afternoon at the range, or what Mel’s been up to.

James got lucky with his version of The Talk. Firearm safety. Gave it to April when she was six years old, when he handed her her first pistol (a laser-guided thing set low enough to mark the target but not cause damage if aimed at the ceiling. Or cats): “pointy end at the target, Little Bee.” She got further lessons as she got older and started trying out new weapons.

Shepard, well Shepard’s female and April’s female, so it fell to her give April the girl version of The Talk. Wasn’t too awkward. Again, April learned what she needed to as her age dictated and they’d always been an open family when it came to talking about love and sex.

But when it was obvious to both her parents that best-friend Mel was probably girlfriend Mel, Shepard stepped in and make sure both girls had what they needed to stay safe. April went red but managed to salvage her dignity with an eye roll. Shepard need not have worried. Both showed a maturity beyond their years and they only needed telling once that it was a good idea to keep the bedroom door closed, please, dear.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 29 Sept 2014  
> worstcommander: ok but which member of your OTP worries that they’ve gotten boring and settled in their old age

After April finally gets her shit together and leaves home, Shepard wonders what she’s supposed to do now. 20 years of being a mother to one girl, and an advisor to the Alliance Navy has left her a little… empty.

James suggests an adventure. Just the two of them. Just like old times.

He doesn’t reckon on her researching ancient sailing vessels, the kind her ancestors sailed when they went to colonise the islands of the Pacific. But here he is, helping Dinah make some weird canoe-sailing-ship thing that also makes use of modern technology–but only as a back up.

And then they’re off, sailing out of Vancouver and into the pacific, navigating by the stars and getting soaked in storms, parched in the sun.

They barely make it to Hawaii, limping in with a hole in the hull and Shepard on bailing duty. But shit, it’s so exhilarating. So after some repairs and redesign, they’re off again.

James’ tan darkens and Dinah’s skin glows from the sunlight. They get their bodies back in shape keeping the canoe on course. Keep their minds sharp navigating by the stars and sun.

It’s just the two of them, and they’ve never had more fun.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 26 Sept 2014
> 
> “what does she end up doing with her life?”   
> April brain dump

N7. April was always going to be N7, just like her mum and dad. Ridding the galaxy of baddies one shot at a time. She was a good shot with a sniper rifle, just like Shepard. Dinah taught her early. She didn’t like the imprecision of the shotgun, much to James’ disappointment.

During her rebellious teenage years, before she could ship off to basic, her parents shipped her off to Uncle Zaeed. Damn she loved that old fucker. His stories were crazier than her dad’s.

Zaeed taught her to love the shotgun. They’d sit in his maimai in the early hours of the morning, talking for hours, smoking cigars while waiting for the sun to rise. Then the ducks would start quacking and that would be her cue to lift the shotgun.

Zaeed held her steady, taught her how to predict the flight path of the ducks and pellets. She fell in love with that crack, boom, splash. Way better than the silent assassin sniper.

They didn’t have a dog so they’d play rock, paper, scissors for who’d have to wade out and retrieve the dead ducks. Then, once they’d come home, gutted, plucked and hung the ducks, scrubbed themselves clean in a bucket outside and changed into clean enough clothes, Zaeed would break open the whisky. And more cigars. And he’d tell more stories about her parents. They weren’t that bad, parents never are that bad.

Anyway.

James and Dinah are so proud when April ships off to basic. They know the risks, but they’ve taught her well. She knows how to look after herself.

But April washes out. Doesn’t even get to the end of the 12 weeks. Gets sent home half way through the 6th week.

Turns out she doesn’t like being told what to do. _Really_ doesn’t like being told what to do. Should’ve been obvious. She’d never dealt well with authority. Never grew out of that toddler asking ‘why’ phase. That’s her problem.

Naturally James and Shepard are disappointed. James tells her to stick at it. That they break you for a reason, so they can rebuild you, make you part of a team. April doesn’t want to be broken and rebuilt. She’s not her mother.

They don’t know what to do with her. She doesn’t know what to do with herself. She’s too cool to listen to what Grandpa K has to say these days.

So it’s back to Zaeed’s shack in the swamp. More whisky. More cigars. More duck shooting. They hunt deer, too, with the sniper rifle. She’s a good shot, and handy with a knife, too. It’d be a shame for those talents to go to waste. Zaeed suggests she forge her own path. Mercs don’t take orders the way marines do. Pick and choose. Fuck the career ladder, jump straight to the top and shit on all those weeds below.

She knows this is a bad idea. Knows her parents wouldn’t approve. She’s grown up with stories of Shepard delivering galactic justice in the name of the Alliance. But she’s also grown up with stories of Archangel. A moral crusader taking orders from his own conscience. Too bad Archangel’s just a story these days.

That’s how she resurrects a ghost. Archangel’s back on Omega and more ruthless than ever.

James and Shepard only start to worry when Aria, _Aria_ gets a message to Shepard wanting to know what the fuck Archangel, Garrus, whatever, is doing back on Omega.

They turn up at Zaeed’s shack, ‘cause he’s off grid, and he shrugs his shoulders, says he thought she went back to their place. Then the three of them go to Palaven, just to make sure Garrus is actually still there. He is. And he’ll take any excuse to get out of the political mire he’s found himself in. The four of them head to Omega, all armoured up. Zaeed keeps waxing god damn nostalgic about the Collector days. James and Shepard are fuming. Garrus is calm, but worried. Calls for backup. Kaidan’s the only one who can get Shepard to stand down when she’s apoplectic.

Aria’s fucking out of her mind. Archangel’s pissed off the cartels that keep the other cartels off her back.

The squad gathers what intel they can.

For someone with zero combat experience, Archangel 2.0 is pretty damn good. She actually brings down James’ shields and none of the snipers in the group can get a good lock on her location. Plus they have to fight through all the other fuckers trying to get to her. Kaidan’s the one who gets to her first. Puts her in a stasis, knocking her rifle out the way. She bursts into tears and he pulls her into his arms, holding her like he did when she was a baby. He rocks her in his arms, listening to the fire fight, holding them safe with a barrier.

Shepard and James finally storm her compound, all ready to give her the dressing down of her life, but all they see is their little girl lost to pain and frustration of teenage angst.

It’s a quiet exit. Aria is informed that Archangel will once again not be a problem.

They get ice cream.  
*  
She doesn’t learn her lesson and ends up on Tuchanka. Wrex has the smarts to keep her safe until Kaidan comes and picks her up. James and Shepard never learn about that particular plan.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 26 Sept 2014  
> Does April eventually get a dog when she grows up?
> 
> April brain dump

Zaeed becomes an important figure in her later teenage years. He’s retired and she spends a lot of time hanging out with him in his shack in the middle of a swamp, learning bad habits like smoking and swearing. He does not have a dog. This is unfortunate because they spend a lot of their time shooting ducks and then arguing about who’s going to wade out and get the ducks.

She was supposed to be a marine, like her parents. N7 even. But sh flunks basic training and spends brief stint as a merc on Omega. Shepard, James, Zaeed, Garrus, and Kaidan drag her back home.

Zaeed’s the only person she listens to these days, so she goes back to his shack in the swamp. One day she finds a puppy out near some dumpsters when she makes the mission into the nearest town to get supplies. She takes it back to the swamp shack because she’s damned if she’s going to spend her time in waist deep water picking up dead ducks. Zaeed makes her train it as a condition of him not shooting it because why the hell does he need a dog? In the process she learns a thing or two about discipline and responsibility.

April leaves Zaeed’s eventually, gifting him with this well trained hunting dog and goes back home to pass basic and make her way up the ranks and become the first second-generation N7. 

Little does she know, Zaeed had the puppy planted under that dumpster, knowing she’d bring it back with her. It’s all part of his promise to James and Shepard to instil some direction in her life.

Or something. I haven’t thought it through properly. The dog might be called Jessie. She might keep a picture of her, Jessie, and Zaeed in her cabin. The lie about Shepard being allergic to dogs might come out when Zaeed finally dies and April makes her parents take Jessie in because she can’t, she’s saving the galaxy.


	19. stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 25 Sept 2014

Dinah can’t sleep. Just her luck. April is asleep. Has been for three hours now. James is fast asleep, too, arm slung over Dinah’s belly. He seems to think he can protect her just by touching her. It’s sweet, but all it really does is slow her down when she needs to get up when April inevitably starts crying. Dinah’s going to start crying if she doesn’t get to sleep soon. She dare not look at the clock, dare not start counting the passing seconds.

James shifts with a snort, rolling over and jabbing Dinah with his foot. She takes her moment and slips out from his grasp. It’s warm enough that she doesn’t bother with a jumper as she tip-toes out the room and down the hall. Every noise she makes scrapes too loud: picking up a glass, running the tap, gulping the water down.

There’s a bang outside. Dinah sighs. If someone’s left that damn gate open again… The back door accepts her hand print and admits her access to the yard.

The gate is open. She closes it, muttering something about welding it shut. Then she looks up.

She looks up and sees the stars. Home. She spots what she’s looking for immediately, raises her hand, marks out the measurement. 3am, give or take. It’s been a while since she’d had to rely on the stars but as she scans the sky, she knows she could navigate her way across the ocean if she had to. Not that she would have any reason to. Not anymore. Home lay under the sea now, barely an atol left poking above the waves. Oh, the mountain would still be there, not as high as it once was, but who wants to live on a mountain? Only old men with long beards and birds with short wings.

James had shown Dinah his home. It was shit. Sure, the Pacific lapped at the shore and the sunsets were just like the one’s she’d grown up with. But it hadn’t been his home for a long time and that had showed when he’d given her the tour. After they’d seen the sights, they’d sat back on the beach, nestled against the cliffs with April curled up in James’ arms and waited for the stars to come out. Only they never did. The orange and green glow from the city behind them washed over the sky, a haze that drowned out the constellations.

Turns out James had never seen stars before enlisting. 18 years with no stars! Dinah couldn’t believe a life like that. He’d been deprived. She’d make sure April would know how to find her way home by the stars.

Dinah’s neck hurt from looking up for so long. To the east and south the horizon glowed, washing out a few of the stars, but she knew them so well it didn’t matter. Orion would be getting up soon, ready to chase the scorpion across the sky. Again. For eternity. A sisyphean task. She wonders if he even remembers why he’s hunting that scorpion.

Light from the house bathes the lawn, the sky blacking out. Dinah blinks away the pain in her eyes, seeing stars behind her eyelids.

“Hey. I didn’t know where you’d gone.” James has his arms around her, holding her tight against his chest. His chin rests on her forehead. He’s so damn heavy. She twists in his hold, turning around so she can kiss him.

“I’m still here.” She takes his hand and leads him back inside, back to bed, back to sleep, to dream of stars.


	20. Visiting Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 14 Sept 2014

It’d been a long time since James had been home. Been a long time since he’d called this place home. He’d come back with Shepard not long after the war, trying to find his dad. The destruction had been too much for him. His old apartment block lay in ruins, skeletal iron stabbing the sky, concrete blocks crumbling. Everywhere was the same and once they’d found Josh Sanders’ name on the positive ID list, they’d left immediately, returning to Vancouver.  
  
This time was different. Solana Beach had been rebuilt. The apartment blocks, office towers, schools and shops stood tall, already weathered and sun-baked. If it weren’t for the monolithic monument in San Dieguito Park, it wouldn’t be obvious that there had even been a war.  
  
Nowhere was this more obvious than on the beach while looking out over the Pacific, watching the sun sink below the horizon. James stood in the surf, his trousers rolled up past his knees, Shepard next to him, her sundress billowing in the warm breeze. April stood between them, gripping their hands while jumping and shrieking every time a wave rolled in.  
  
James did the same thing when he was a kid. His parents would swing him between them, count to three then let go. He’d fly through the air, giggling and weightless, then splash into the water, salt stinging his eyes.  
  
Yeah. This might’ve been home once, but it wasn’t anymore. Hadn’t been for a long time. Vancouver was home now, with its unforgiving seasons and waveless beaches. James laughed at the absurdity of his life.  
  
“What’s so funny?” Shepard asked.  
  
James smiled at Shepard, taking in her windswept hair and colourful sundress, then down at April, butt naked and wriggling against his hand hold. She screeched as a wave hit her and he laughed again. Maybe home was wherever his girls were.

“Just you two,” he replied


	21. Trees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 12 Sept 2014  
> (contains miscarriage talk and a not entirely happy ending)

The trees were always there, a living reminder. Shepard and James could never forget, but the pain eased over time, especially once they’d planted the final tree–April’s maple.

Ada Alenko had been the one to suggest the first tree. Kaidan had taken Shepard and James up to the orchard so they could have some time alone. Shepard had brought the box with her, unable to let it go.

Sitting out on the porch, beers in hand, Ada had said, “It’s time to let him go, Dinah. Return him to the earth, plant a tree over him. Give him life.”

So James dug a hole and Shepard rested the wrapped up bundle at the bottom. Kaidan placed the tree on top and Ada shifted the soil back in place. No words were spoken. There was nothing to be said.

Over the next few years, three more trees were planted, each on top of a similar bundle.

The fifth tree wasn’t planted on sadness. Shepard held her wriggling daughter as she watched James, Kaidan, and Ada plant the tree to commemorate her only survivor.

The trees grew fast, though April’s remained the smallest. It was the youngest though, and hadn’t had the same start as the others. Its life force remained above ground, running around and laughing, climbing and hiding.

Then came the storm. Gusting wind with thunder and lightning had raged all night. Shepard, James, and April were there for a holiday, up to help pick apricots. Despite being thirteen and therefore too old to be scared, April snuck into the guest room where her parents slept and slipped into their bed, their mere presence enough to protect her from the weather outside, even while they slept.

By morning the storm had blown itself out, leaving blue sky and a bright sun. Ada had gone out to assess the damage to the orchard and returned to the house ashen faced. Shepard shot outside, still in her pyjamas and dressing gown.

The others followed, their steps heavy. Ada and Kaidan stood at a respectful distance while James went up to Shepard and held her in his arms. Around them stood the split trunks and fallen branches of the four maple trees they’d planted so long ago.

April, her bravado and petulance returning with the sunshine, kicked a branch by her feet.

“What’s so special about these stupid trees anyway?” She asked.

“They’re your brothers and sisters,” Kaidan replied.

April looked up from the branch to Kaidan, then over to her parents. She’d grown up with these trees. Played in them, slept under them, had picnics in their shade. They were her family just as much as Grandpa K and Mama Ada. She frowned, looking just like her father as she did so. She picked her way through the debris–silent on her feet, just like her mother–to join her parents and mourn her siblings’ second death.


	22. Plots and threats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 11 Sept 2014

Shepard and James don’t know it, but they need people watching their six. They’re still threatened after the war. _April_ is threatened. If James knew… Good thing they’re buddies with the Shadow Broker then.

There’s not much that escapes Liara’s attention. She can find plots before they even become a threat. Just an intercepted message through a poorly encrypted server, a conversation between one disgruntled crime lord who’d been stupid enough to get in Shepard’s way years ago, and a merc who was stupid enough to accept the job. Liara had sent her own agents out to stop that one.

There are other plots though, elaborate ones involving kidnap and ransoms, enemies putting their differences aside in favour of a common cause. Cerberus splinter cells remain the greatest threat. Despite not being on the payroll anymore, Miranda remains a font of knowledge and a hub for contacts. One call to her and the threat is eliminated. Same goes for Jacob.

Others plots are simple, born from revenge or misunderstanding. She alerted Wrex about one that had emanated from high ranking officials within Clan Urdnot. “Leave it with me,” Wrex had said. A few days later, Liara read about how the Krogan Ambassador to Earth had been abruptly recalled to Tuchanka for ‘garden leave’.

A lot of the trouble starts on Omega, but most of it ends on Omega too. Liara is pleased to see Aria keeping a tight lid on the place, wonders if they shouldn’t join forces since their agents seem to intersect more often than not.

But Liara doesn’t pick up on all the threats. One came to her attention through Garrus. He’d been dropped a hint from Zaeed–of all people–about a rumor he’d heard while on a job near Palaven. Garrus asked Liara to check it out, for old times sake. Turned out to be valid. She’d smiled at Garrus’ message, saying he’d enjoyed dusting off the old sniper rifle and executing justice Turian style.

One plot Liara caught just in time, cursing herself for letting it pass under her radar. Her intel said the mercs were already on Earth, doing recon in the neighbourhood where James, Shepard and April lived. After an urgent, yet quiet word, in Kaidan’s ear, one of Kaidan’s biotic spec op squads found themselves raiding a house in a sleepy suburb just a few clicks from Alliance HQ. Kaidan thanked Liara for the tip, told her he’d learned who’d ordered the job and would deal with them personally.

Shepard and James remain oblivious to the threats surrounding them. They’ve done enough for the galaxy without having to defend their family as well. They deserve some peace and quiet. Their friends make sure it stays that way.


	23. Dance floor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 17 August 2014

The music here was great. The heavy bass, low lighting and crowded dance floor was just his scene, but James had never felt more out of place. No alcohol for a start. And the kids at this club–they really were kids. He stood against the wall, nursing an apple juice while other parents stood guard as well, keeping an eye on the thirteen year olds doing their best to dance and flirt. School dances, man. Never thought he’d be a chaperone at one of these things, but here he was.

He watched Apri dancing with her best friend, Mel. They had the moves down, laughing at the encouragement from their friends as they held each other’s waists and shook their hips. Of course they knew how to dance. They’d learned from the best. James smiled. She was so grown up now. She’d long since swapped the tutu of her toddler years for a knee-length skirt. Heels replaced the gumboots and her black sequin top didn’t have any food smeared on it at all.

She shimmed over and grabbed James’ hand. “Hey Major, wanna dance?” Her eyes glittered, her smile wide.

“Nah, don’t want to embarrass you, Bee.”

“You’re not gonna embarrass me, dad. Mel’s feet hurt and I need a partner.”

He let himself be dragged onto the dance floor, conscious of being the tallest by far and the only parent not clinging to the wall. But when April held his hand above her head and twirled as their favourite song boomed through the speakers, everyone fell away and it was just him and his little girl, dancing like they were in their living room, laughing and bumping hips.

By the end of the night (twenty-three hundred sharp, lights on, go home) James had danced with most of the girls, a few of the boys, and even a couple of parents. He was too old for nightclubs, and way too old to be dancing with these kids but apparently they didn’t care. And if they didn’t care, he wasn’t going to either.

[08/17/14](https://commanderlurker.tumblr.com/post/94933406295/dance-floor)

[13 notes](https://commanderlurker.tumblr.com/post/94933406295/dance-floor)


	24. That’s not how you play snap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 15 August 2014

“Snap!” April yelled, slamming her hand down on the pile of cards.

“That’s not a pair,” Shepard argued.

“Yes it is.”

“That’s the Two of Aces, and this one’s a Joker.” Shepard shifted the cards so they sat side by side, pointing to each. “They have to match for it to be snap.”

“That’s not what Uncle Joker said. He said if you deal the Joker card then that’s like him turning up so you win.” April dragged the cards to her side, added them to her rapidly growing pile.

Shepard frowned. “That doesn’t even make sense. How do you win when Joker turns up?”

April sighed dramatically. It was her ‘dont you know anything’ sigh. Shepard and James had Joker to thank for that one, too. “Because he flies in and rescues you when you need it.” She looked at Shepard’s tiny pile of winning cards. “You should have said snap because you really need rescuing.”

Shepard smiled despite herself. Joker’s fly-by rescues had certainly helped Shepard win on more occasions than she could count. Pity the same couldn’t be said about this game of cards.


	25. “Again!”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 13 August 2014

( _For the sake of a good story, let’s just pretend that having a child sitting between your legs while riding a motorbike without helmets is totally safe._ )

One of the coolest things about summer holidays at Grandpa Kaidan’s orchard was getting to ride the motorbike through the lines of apricot trees.

High summer brought bright blue skies and the sweet scent of apricots on the breeze. _This_ is what they’d saved the galaxy for.

April squealed, sitting close against James. “Faster!” she yelled.

James complied, turning the throttle and throwing the bike forward. April held on tight, her hands under James’ on the handle bars. They zoomed up the hill, trees passing in a blur, motor roaring in their ears. April’s laughter spurred him on and he kicked the bike up a gear.

When they reached the top of the hill, James threw the bike around, bringing it to a halt. The valley lay before them, neat lines of trees–apricots, apples, plums. The house lay half hidden in bush, set back from the lake. Maybe they’d head out in the row boat later, give April another swimming lesson.

“This is awesome!” April yelled.

James had to agree, but for different reasons. Melancholy swept over him as he took in the view and kissed the top of his daughter’s head. She’d learn about the Reaper war eventually, the sacrifices made by both the living and the dead. She’d find out just how lucky she was to be able to spend her summer holidays with both her parents and their best friend. But those lessons could wait.

“Do a wheelie, Major,” April said.

James grinned. “Okay. Hold on tight.” He kicked the bike into gear, accelerated hard, slipped the clutch, and the front wheel came up. They sped down the hill, their combined shrieks just audible over the roar of the motor. When the front wheel landed with a thunk, they both whooped.

“Again!” April shrieked. And James was only too happy to comply.


	26. Movie Marathon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 11 August 2014

The three hadn’t shifted from the couch all day. Well, there had been toilet and snack breaks but other than that, they’d lazed about in their pyjamas as the rain beat down outside. It didn’t help that they were all sick. Maybe that’s why James and Shepard had so easily agreed to April’s suggestion of a movie marathon. She even handled all the tech, queuing fourteen hours of Pekky Pyjack to play on the big vid screen using her own omnitool. Not bad for someone too young to even tie her own shoe laces.

James drifted in and out of sleep while the upbeat songs wormed their way through his ears, the lurid technicoloured adventures of Pekky and co invading his dreams. Good thing the movies weren’t heavy on plot, but that didn’t stop James getting very confused as to how the pyjack ended up flying through space with an elcor.

“What’s he doing, Bee?” He asked, stroking her hair off her forehead as she lay in his lap.

“There’s an evil pyjack who stole his cheese. They have to get the cheese back. Have you not watching?” April replied, eyes glued to the screen.

“Yeah, dad. Have you not been watching?” Shepard teased from the other end of the couch, nudging him with her foot.

James just frowned and sneezed.

“Shh.”

But somehow the plot still made more sense than any Blasto flick.


	27. Dunking biscuits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 7 August 2014

April sidled up to the table while doing a very poor job of hiding the gingernut in her hand. James pretended to ignore her while he sipped at his coffee and scrolled through the news feed on his ‘tool. He watched her out the corner of his eye. She waited patiently, not talking or poking him. She just sat there on the too-low chair, her chin level with the table.

As soon as he put his coffee cup down, she pounced, leaning on the table and dunking the biscuit in.

“Bee,” James warned.

“I’m not gonna drop it!” she protested.

Five seconds later she pulled the gingernut out. Well, just the tiny bit still stuck between her fingers. James gave her his best scowl but all that got him was a cheeky grin.

“I didn’t drop it. It fell,” April explained.

James sighed and knocked back the rest of the coffee, chunks and all. Still, it was better than the shit served on ships.

“Coffee?” Shepard called, wandering through.

“Yes please,” both James and April replied in unison.

James smirked this time and went to grab her but she was too quick. With a shriek she jumped off the chair and back to the safety of her mother. And more biscuits.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 26 July 2014

If he were being honest, James was kind of disappointed when he first saw Shepard in action. He’d heard the talk, read her record, seen the vids. She was one bad-ass marine that you Did Not Mess With. He thought she’d be up front leading the charge, blowing heads off and slashing at guts. But on Mars she’d quietly sent him forward with Major Alenko while she hid behind a rock, fiddling with the scope on her mantis.

Disappointment turned to confusion as three Cerberus agents fell in quick succession. The only sound, them landing on the ground with a thud. It happened so fast, he hadn’t even had a chance to prime a grenade, let alone loose off a shot of his own. And then they were all down. Major Alenko stared back towards her rock, muttering under his breath.

“Shit, Commander. You even need us here?” James asked, grinning. He watched her jog up to them, hefting that rifle like it weighed nothing.

“I got lucky. Keep your eyes open. I’ll cover your ass the best I can but don’t get complacent.” Her hard stare turned his guts to jelly.

“Yes ma’am.” He pulled himself straighter, dared a glance in Alenko’s direction. The Major met his eye, shook his head slightly. Whether it was from disdain or sympathy, James couldn’t tell.

*

In time James learned that Shepard didn’t ‘get lucky’. She made her luck. And he really appreciated having her cover his ass. Her style wasn’t bold and in your face, not like his. It was quiet, calculated. If she did her job properly, the enemy would die without even knowing they were in trouble. James couldn’t tell if that was good or bad. If he were to die in battle, he’d at least want to go out knowing he’d had a fighting chance.

But still, seeing her nail those mail slots? He’d never get sick of watching those.


	29. Standing on his own two feet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 24 July 2014

The dynamic changes as James heads up the Ns. He comes to rely less and less on Shepard’s judgement and more on his own. Partly it’s trained into him: he’s taught how to listen to his intuition, assess what he thinks is best for a situation. It helps that he’s far away from the storm that is Dinah Shepard. It’s easy to get caught up in that whirlwind and just go along for the ride.

Before he even met her, his mantra had been _What would Shepard do?_ He thought the answer to that was always ‘blow stuff up’. Really, that’s what _he_ would do. After he meets her, fights under her, he’s slightly disappointed to see what Shepard actually does: keep a low profile, assess the situation, think through consequences. But when he sees the results of those actions, he’s even more in awe of her.

Sometimes it’s good to have that mantra playing in a loop in his head, especially when he’s dealing with people. She could always keep her cool, whether it was mercs and slavers out only for themselves, or dealing with frightened hostages, or angry civilians. He knew that he could blow the lid on his frustration only once he’d made it back to the ship. So he learned to tamp down the snark.

 _What would Shepard do?_ doesn’t work in battle though. She’s an infiltrator, a sniper. He’s an arms master, a soldier. She hides behind rocks from hundreds of meters away and picks off enemies before they even know she’s there. He charges up screaming obscenities, throwing grenades and shooting from the hip with his shotgun. Plug an amp in him and he’d make an awesome vanguard, he reckons.

When he learns the difference between _What would Shepard do?_ and _What would Vega do?_ , he feels liberated. Without her, he’s free to develop his own style of leadership. He doesn’t need to take the backseat and direct play from the commentators box like she would. He leads from the front, charges in like he always does, but only _after_ he’s assessed the situation (he does like to keep a sniper on hand–they _are_ good at covering asses– but it’s his show, not theirs).

He loves his newfound freedom. Oh sure, he still has to adhere to the mission brief, but it usually doesn’t matter _how_ he reaches his objective, only that he _does_. And when he plays it his way, he gets to blow stuff up. A lot.


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1 July 2014

“Uh, Lola, this is pretty good, but it does kinda taste like that shit April had for lunch.” James examined his fork before eating the heap of rice-with-goo.

Shepard shifted in her chair. “Yeah. That’s because it is that shit that April had for lunch. Mixed in with rice. For carbs.”

 _I’m a grown-ass adult and I’m eating baby food._ “Okaaay,” he drawled.

“James. You were coming home late. I hate cooking. It was this or MREs.” Shepard snapped. She dropped her fork with a clatter, buried her head in her hands. “Sorry. I’m not good at this. I just–”

James reached across the table and took Shepard’s hand in his. “Lola, hey. I’m not complaining. Mushy pumpkin and broccoli is great. They should stick it in tubes. Imagine that! Shoot some bastard, squeeze mashed apple straight down your throat, pop a clip, and do it all again. Just don’t get your clips and your tubes mixed up,” he grinned.

Shepard gave a weak smile.

“You want me to make a platoon sized load of lasagne for when I’m away? As good as this is, you can’t eat baby food all the time.”

Shepard gave a small nod. It turned to a wince as April’s piercing scream came through the wall.

“It’s okay. I’ve got it.” James got up, gave Shepard a quick kiss, and headed out.

“Hey,” Shepard called. James turned to listen. “You like the banana-feijoa stuff? If you add a heap of brandy, it makes a pretty good dessert.”

James laughed. “See, I knew you knew your way around the kitchen. Save me a bowl, huh?”


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2 June 2014

James has been out in the Terminus System, knocking heads together. No contact with home. It’s been hard–the work, and not seeing Shepard.

He wakes when the ship enters Council space, the constant pinging of his ‘tool rousing him. He rubs a hand over his face, checks the time 0400.

The pinging finally stops and he leans back in bed, sighing, working his eyes open again. He slaps a hand over his 'tool, bringing up the message terminal. Forty-seven new messages. Groaning, he opens the first one. It’s from Shepard. Her and April waving at the screen, a little smile on his daughter’s face and a big one on Shep’s. 

He opens the next one. It’s from Shepard, too. Another photo of her and April. He smiles in the dark. He’s missed his girls.

He goes back to the inbox. All the messages are from Shepard. One for every day he’s been away. Forty-seven photos of Shepard and April pulling faces or smiling or just being damn adorable. And they’ve arrived all at once because of his comm blackout. 

He settles back, opens the first one again and grins. There’s no going back to sleep now. 


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 26 May 2014

James pulling a toboggan up a steep hill.

April sitting on his shoulders, holding onto his ears with mittened hands.

James reaching the top, crouching down, letting April slide off.

James sitting April in the toboggan, pointing it down hill.

April holding onto the reins tight, feet firmly planted, determined scowl on her face (she looks like Shepard when she’s behind the wheel of the mako).

James pushing her off down the hill.

April squealing with delight as she picks up speed.

James watching in horror as April veers towards the ONE tree on the whole damn hill.

James relieved that she manages to swerve, avoiding a head on.

April shrieking as she hits a rock instead and goes flying into the air, landing head first in a pile of snow, little legs kicking out.

James sprinting, tripping, tumbling down the hill to get to her, to pull her out.

James reaching April, yanking her out by her feet and giving her an upside down hug.

April screeching “Again!” and giggling hysterically.


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 23 May 2014

James forgets that he shouldn’t swear around April. Well, he remembers not to swear in English, but he’s often slagging off those _pendejo_ politicians and, ah _mierda_! spilling his beer.

So while recreating epic battles with April and her dolls and spaceships, he’s somewhat taken aback to hear her yell “you _pendejos_ must have some pretty big _cojones_ if you think you can defeat me, Commander Shepard!”

Things don’t get any better when Garrus and Tali come to visit. Suddenly, everyone’s a _bosh’tet_. Shepard’s a _bosh’tet_ for not letting April have more ice cream. Kaidan’s called Grandpa _Bosh’tet_ for weeks afterwards. And James, well James becomes Major _Bosh’tet_.

April’s shipped off to Gran ‘lenko’s house when Jack comes to town, just to be safe.


	34. How he met her mother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 23 May 2014
> 
> (AU where Dinah Shepard is a spacer kid, not an earthborn kid.)

Hannah pulled her X3M into the space outside her on-base house but braked suddenly, stopping just before she could rear-end the Kodiak parked in her spot. Huh. She wasn’t expecting military visitors. Dinah had been back for three days, coming home to her mother to continue her recuperation but so far no one had visited and Dinah hadn’t mentioned that she was expecting anyone.

And the house was silent, lights off, no Dinah anywhere. She was supposed to be cooking dinner. Hannah sighed, dumping her bag on the table, looking for a note or something to explain the situation. Not just anyone had access to Kodiaks these days. The one parked outside had to have come from a starship but its markings had been scratched beyond all recognition. While she put the kettle on and pulled the beginnings of dinner out the fridge, she heard a laugh from down the hall. That little shit, she wasn’t so injured that she couldn’t cook and talk at the same time, and there was no reason why she had to go and hide her friends in her room like a teenager.

Hannah wandered down the hall, knocked twice and opened the bedroom door. “Dinah, honey, do you know whose kodi–” she froze as she stepped inside.

The entwined couple on the bed snapped apart and struggled to cover themselves.

“Ah,” Hannah remained glued to the spot, eyes flicking from her daughter to the very toned, very large, and very _naked_ man pulling a twisted sheet over himself. He flashed her an innocent grin, like he could convince her that she’d not interrupted anything.

“Uh, that would be my shuttle, ma’am.” He said, hands fisting the sheet up under his chin. “Lieutenant James Vega. Pleased to meet you. I’d salute you, Admiral, but…”

Hannah eyed James. So this was the man she’d heard so much about. But not from Dinah. No, Hannah got all her gossip from one Kaidan Alenko. She’d been saddened when it became clear that Kaidan wouldn’t be her son-in-law. She still treated him like one though. And he kept up a stream of communication, updating Hannah on her daughter’s exploits, filling her in on details that Shepard left out of the official reports. That included her love life. And here was that love right in front of her. He was exactly how Kaidan described him: “polite, when he wants to be. But don’t let the cheeky grin fool you, he can be a real ass.” Well, from what Hannah had seen, she could agree on the ass…

“James. I’ve heard so much about you.” She didn’t bother to hide the smirk or the tease in her voice.

He smiled another of those cheeky grins. Dinah scowled.

Hannah continued. “It’s so good to finally meet you. Will you be joining us for dinner?”

James glanced at Shepard, who was still beet red, but had managed to dig out a top from somewhere and slip it on, affording James more of the sheets. Her jaw was set as she returned James’ glance, and shook her head. No. Definitely not.

“Sure. Why not?” He replied. “I’ve heard a lot about you, too.”

“James.” Shepard snapped.

Hannah recognised the fire in her daughter’s eyes, knew she’d best leave these two to their inevitable quarrel. Hannah bade them farewell and turned on her heel, shutting the door softly on her way out.

She let out a heavy breath and made her way back to the kitchen. Well then. Hannah hadn’t expected to finally meet the man Dinah was “kinda seeing” quite like that. Those were Dinah’s words, admitted only after a fair amount of goading. But from Kaidan’s intel, it was a lot more serious than “kinda”. Dinah would never say anything to Hannah, though. She’d talk shop, armour, strategy, tech, politics, literature with her mother, but she’d never talk about her private life.

Hannah smiled to herself as she got dinner underway. From her brief introduction, and from what she already knew, Hannah had a feeling she’d get on very well with the Lieutenant. _Especially_ at Dinah’s expense.


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 3 May 2014

4 year old April going through a biker (tricycle) phase and getting James to draw a love heart pierced with an arrow on her arm.

6 year old April going through a pirate phase and getting James to draw skull and cross bones on her shoulder.

8 year old April going through a hero worship phase and getting James to copy his tattoos onto her, including the N7 one (he leaves out the one that’s ‘somewhere special’; the one he got with Shepard when she finally agreed to matching tattoos).

10 year old April going through an artistic phase and drawing her own tattoos on her arms and legs. Flowers, dragons, constellations.

14 year old April going through a rebellious phase and writing swear words in alien languages on her arms.

16 year old April going through a _really_ rebellious phase, slamming the front door on her parents, telling them she hates them, but slinking home later with a stylised four leaf clover on her shoulder, just like her dad’s. And this one is permanent.


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 26 April 2014

“This one doesn’t like pumpkin.” April pouts and pushes the pumpkin slice off her plate and onto the floor.

“This one thinks you haven’t even tried it.” James replies.

“This one doesn’t like orange things.” April picks up a handful of peas and stuffs them in her mouth.

“This one asks that you least use a fork, please.” Shepard bends down and stabs the dropped pumpkin with her fork, eyes it for a second, and eats it.

April locks eyes with her mother. “This one doesn’t like forks.” She drops her fork on the floor.

“Hearty laugh: You’ve met your match, Lola.” James grins.


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 22 April 2014

"Yes Councillor. I understand. I’ll get right on it.” April gave a crisp salute to her council of teddy bears and dolls. She nudged James when she noticed he wasn’t saluting.

He sighed and gave a lazy salute. April frowned.

“Little Bee, why do I have to come see the Council? When can we go back to killing the bad guys?” James asked. His legs ached from sitting crosslegged in front of the teddy bear council for so long, listening to April’s one sided conversation about the latest threat to the galaxy. Something about destroying a planet made of broccoli.

“Shh. They’ll hear you,” she whispered. She turned her back to the Council, shooting them an apologetic smile, then grabbed James by the elbow, indicating that he should turn too. Her nails dug into his arm as she shoved her face into his, pigtails bobbing against her cheeks, speaking through gritted teeth. “Because, _Major Vega_ , I give the orders. If you want to come on my next mission you need to play nice with those pendejos. You hear me?”

James gulped and nodded. “Yes ma’am.”

“And for the last time. My name is _Commander Shepard_. Not Little Bee. Call me that again and I’ll throw you out the airlock.” She pointed to the front door.

“Yes ma’am.”

“Good. Now move, soldier. We ship out at seventeen hundred sharp. That broccoli planet won’t destroy itself.” She let go of his arm and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Then she flashed him a toothy grin and marched away.

James shuddered. She was worse than Lola.


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 9 April 2014  
> Maybe some post natal depression

Kaidan didn’t knock these days. He didn’t need to. With a baby running their lives, there was no chance he’d walk in and find Shepard and James tangled up on the couch any more. Now it was just easier for him to come in, poke his head around, make sure everyone was still alive, and help the best he could. And Shepard would need all the help she could get right now: James had just left for the Villa and beyond all belief, he was the one who had any real grasp on this parenting thing.

“Shepard?” Kaidan called, easing the door open. Sweet Jesus. He took in the war zone of the living room, worse than normal, closing the door softly behind him. Shepard’s N7 armour was strewn all over the room, along with all the usual baby detritus and dishes.

“Shepard?” He called again, picking up a spent heatsink. At least it was cold. He cocked his head, listening for any signs of life. No one was crying. That could only be a good thing, he hoped. He made his way over to the kitchen, tiptoeing around armour that he hadn’t seen in months. The breastplate still had the indent from the Harvester shot Shepard had taken full in the chest back in London. Kaidan filled the kettle, set it boiling, sighed as he opened the cupboard to find it empty. Sighed again as he opened the dishwasher and found it full and dirty. He picked out a couple of mugs, washed them, then set the dishwasher on. At least they still had tea.

He should really sort the kitchen out while he waited for the kettle to boil but the silence was unnerving him. He went up stairs first, straight to April’s room. The door was ajar, windows set to dim, light low. He tiptoed in, relieved to find April in her cot, fast asleep, making little huffy noises through her nose. Just like her mother when she fell into a deep sleep. He ignored the haphazard tucking in, the milky dribble stains on April’s front. At least she had clothes on this time.

Kaidan continued his quest to find Shepard. Not in her bedroom in the crumpled up mess of a bed. Not in the bathroom where it looked like someone lost a fight against a tube of toothpaste. _Many_ tubes of toothpaste.

“Shepard, if you think you can get out of tidying up by sticking your tac cloak on… Well. I’ve got news for you.”

No answer.

He went back downstairs. The soft sound of thumping feet slowly registered from the back of the house. Frowning, he followed the sound, passing Shepard’s N7 helmet lying on it side and more heatsinks. He stopped in the doorway of the makeshift gym, lips pursed, his hands on his hips. Shepard pounded away, one foot after the other on the treadmill, weights gripped in her hands as she ran. She must’ve been at it for a while, given the amount of sweat drenching her tee.

“Shepard.” He said quietly, not wanting to startle her.

Still she ran.

He edged his way into the room, giving her a wave and a smile when she finally caught his eye. Then he frowned at the grimace and tear-stained cheeks. She dropped the weights, pushed a button on the treadmill, slowed from marathon to warm down.

“Shepard. What’s wrong. What’re you doing? Come here.” Kaidan held his arms out and Shepard stumbled over, fresh tears pouring out as hiccup sobs competed for lungfuls of air. He wrapped her up in a hug, wrinkling his nose at the smell, ignoring how damp his dress blues were doing to be. He just held Shepard upright while she expended the last of her energy in crying. He pushed back a lock of soaked hair. “When did you last have a shower?” She smelt of more than just her recent workout. Sour milk and greasy hair and unbrushed teeth.

Shepard mumbled into his shoulder.

“Say again?”

She wiped her nose and eyes on his shoulder and just started crying again.

Kaidan led her upstairs, back through the maze of armour and toys and dirty laundry, and into her bathroom. He drew a bath, smeared her toothbrush with the toothpaste stuck on the mirror since he couldn’t find a whole tube anywhere, put it in her hand and told her stay there, brush her teeth, and take her clothes off. He went away, checking in on April again, before going back to the kitchen to finish making the tea. When he came back with two steaming mugs of tea, Shepard had made it into the bath, even going so far as to add a whole heap of bubbles. He handed her a mug and settled himself on the floor next to the bath.

“What’s happening Shepard? Why’s your armour out?” He asked softly, dipping a washcloth in the water and running it over her back.

“James is gone!” She wailed. “And my armour doesn’t _fit_ anymore.” She pounded the water with her fists, sending bubbles and spray everywhere.

The armour situation seemed to piss her off more than the James situation; best to focus on that.

“What do you mean, your armour doesn’t fit anymore? Why were you wearing it? I know you kinda need a hazmat suit for dealing with this place, but–”

“It doesn’t fit!” Her fist went through the water again. “I’m too fat. I’m too unfit. My boobs are too big. Nothing fits, Kaidan! How am I supposed to do anything if I can’t get into my armour?”

“You’re none of those things, Shepard. And you don’t need to save the galaxy. You’ve already done that. You’re on maternity leave, remember? The only armour you need right now is piles of bibs and those breast pads for when your boobs leak.” He smiled warmly at her, sluicing water over her hair.

“But… I can’t…”

“You’ve been out of action for months, recovering in hospital. You’ve set up home. You’ve had a baby. Of course you’re not going to fit your armour. But you don’t need to wear it now.”

“James still fits his armour.”

“James didn’t have a baby growing in him for nine months.” Kaidan chided. “And anyway, all this recovery had him going soft around the edges, too. He’ll be in for a surprise when he hits Rio.” Kaidan chuckled.

Shepard laughed too. “He has no idea. It’s like basic all over again. But worse. My first day there, I was sent out into the jungle. No food, no weapons save my omniblade. I had that shitty old armour, you know, that early Elkoss Combine? It had the faulty cooling system. Boiled like a lobster. The objective was ambiguous at best. Had to take out some comm post. Or defend it. Shit…” She laughed again, shaking her head, lost to the memory.

“Sounds like you’re better off here, then.” Kaidan replied.

Shepard’s face darkened. “I’d rather be out there,” she mumbled. She lifted her head, looked straight at Kaidan. “I can’t do this parenting shit, Kaidan. She doesn’t even like me.”

Kaidan smiled and rubbed Shepard’s back. “She’s a baby, Shepard. She likes milk and a dry bum. And you’re doing great. Just remember to look after yourself, too. And I’m here. You’re not alone. You never have been.”

April wailed in the distance and Shepard winced.

“It’s okay. She’ll be okay for a minute. You finish washing yourself. I’ll get you some clean clothes. If you have any.” He stood up, taking away their cold cups of tea.

“What would I do without you, Kaidan?” Shepard asked before he disappeared through the door.

He paused, turning back to smile. “You’ll never find out.”


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 9 April 2014

“James.”

“Mmm.” James groaned.

“You awake?”

“Mm hmm. Need me get April?” He mumbled.

“No. She’s fine.”

“Back rub?”

“No. I’m fine.”

“Okay. Love you.”

“When did we last have sex?” Shepard asked.

James rolled over, cracked an eye open. In the dim bedroom light, he saw Shepard lying on her back, hands clasped over her chest.

“Dunno. ‘s been months.” He paused, really thinking about it. Oh yeah. “Day before you went into labour.” Shepard had been lying on the couch, complaining about craving a salt lick and James had lovingly offered her the one in his pants. He’d been surprised when she’d actually taken him up on the offer, grabbing him by the belt and pulling him in front of her. It had turned into long slow afternoon of love making, moving around each other with practiced ease. The contractions hit six hours later.

“Huh. I miss that. You want sex now?” She asked.

It was four in the morning but he was fully awake. And so was his cock.

“You think you can handle it?” He replied, swallowing hard. He didn’t want to hurt her.

Shepard snorted. “I’ve headbutted a Krogan. I defeated the Reapers. I pushed a baby out my vagina. I think I can handle your big manly dick.” She rolled over to face him and smiled a half-sleepy half-horny smile.

James grinned and pulled Shepard in close, their lips meeting rushed and hot for the first time in months. Her belly lay flat against his for the first time in months, too. She ran her hand up his flank and he shivered. He’d missed this. Missed them and only them. Not that he didn’t love April. He did. But sometimes he just wanted Shepard all to himself. Sharing sucked.

Shepard climbed on top of James, thighs either side of his waist and they both groaned at the contact. They fumbled with clothes and sheets, pent up frustration from months of abstinence causing them to clack their teeth together, poke elbows into soft bits. It was like their first time all over again but with the familiarity that only long absences could bring.

James yanked his arm free from the sheet and chucked their clothes out the bed. Naked, finally. Shepard shuffled down, grinning as she took his cock in hand.

“Yes, Lola,” he groaned. He could see all her features softly lit by the dim light. Her once toned body had softened; hard muscle now soft and squishy. Her breasts were bigger than before she had April. He liked them, liked the new Shepard. He reached out to stroke his thumb over her nipple. They’d changed too, but he didn’t care. She was still his Lola and her thighs still held him in place like a vice. He pressed his palms into his eyes as Shepard stroked him, grinding against him. It was too much too soon. He needed to do something for her.

“C'mere,” he sat up and wrapped his arms around her. “What can I do for you, carino?”

Shepard peppered kisses up his neck, rolling her hips into him. “Just. Need you. Now.” She pushed him back down and lifted up slightly, reaching down to grab his cock and line him up. Then she froze and her head snapped up, hand clamping down on him.

“Lola, ow, stop, ow, Lola, let go please!”

Then the wail hit him. He froze too. April screaming. That sound never failed to hit him in the gut. Some kind of primal survival thing, he guessed. Worse than a Banshee. Even more horrible than husks. He felt so helpless when she cried. And even more helpless when Shepard joined in. On really bad days, he’d pull his girls into his arms and they’d all cry together.

Shepard let go, climbed off James and out the bed. She pulled on her pyjamas again, muttering as she went.

James lay there, stunned, breathing hard, cock throbbing from Shepard’s death grip and aching from being so close to its intended goal. He shuffled over to Shepard’s side of the bed, keeping it warm for her return. He caught a couple of words and phrases as she stomped out the room. _Cockblocker_ was one. _Worse than Joker_ , was another. What the hell did that mean? He was too tired and sore to care. He just hoped April wouldn’t keep Shepard away for too long this time.


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 8 April 2014

“Lola! How do I turn it off?” James held April at arms length, like that would make a difference to the ear-splitting screaming coming from his daughter.

“I don’t know! There wasn’t a manual!” Shepard staggered into the nursery with her fingers jammed in her ears, shaking her head as James thrust April in her direction. “I’ll call Kaidan.”

Operating her omnitool required taking her fingers out her ears though. She winced as April’s full volume scream pierced her ears. Kaidan answered promptly, seemingly unfazed by the noise coming over the line.

“I gave you guys a checklist,” he chided.

“How can you expect us to remember that shit?” James was on the verge of joining April in crying the house down.

“I wrote it down and stuck it to the fridge.” Kaidan replied, calm as ever. “But I’ll run through it again. Has she pooped?”

Shepard stucked her finger down the back of the nappy, pulling it back and peering down.

“Nope.”

“Peed?”

“Nope.”

“When did you last feed her?”

James and Shepard shared a horrified glance. Can’t have been that long since her last feed. They’d just been taking turns holding her while lying on the couch watching crappy old movies.

“Uh…”

“Shepard. Sit your ass down now and stick her on your boob.” Kaidan used his scary half-teacher half-Major voice, the voice he usually reserved for students who were being particularly dim.

Shepard followed orders, backing up and sitting down on the comfy chair they’d got for just this purpose. She fiddled with her t shirt and bra, then held her arms out for James to pass April over. She latched on immediately and silence fell over the room. They just stared at each other for a second before they both laughed with relief, bordering on unhinged.

“Sounds like you’ve got the situation under control now, Commander.” Kaidan said.

“Until she starts up again.” Shepard mumbled.

Kaidan sighed. “Babies are like simple terminal hacks. Run your diagnostics, your if-then clauses, your yes-no options. If all that fails, you’ve done something wrong. Go to the top of the list and start again.”

“I’d just use a frag grenade,” James said. “Solves most problems.”

“And that’s why– Look. I’m supposed to be teaching right now. But I can come over later, okay?”

“Thanks grandpa Kaidan.” Shepard and James said in unison. They heard Kaidan sigh again then disconnect.

April wriggled in Shepard’s arms, pulling off, hiccuping, then bunching up her tiny little face. Shepard and James glanced at each other wide eyed, then at April.

“No, no, no, come on April,” Shepard cooed.

At least James got his fingers in his ears before the screaming started.


	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 7 April 2014

“James, you can let go of her. She’ll sleep on her own.” Shepard leaned in to prise April out of his arms.

“No. She’s mine.” James whispered, turning away, cupping his hand over his daughter’s head.

Shepard huffed. “Fine. Whatever. I’m going to bed.” She only got to hold April when she wailed louder than a banshee because she needed breastfeeding. James would do that too, if he could, Shepard was sure.

She was still stewing when James slipped into bed much later, sans April, curling his arm around her and pulling her close. At least he’d gotten it into his thick skull that their bed was not an appropriate place for a newborn to sleep.

“You got to hold onto her for nine months, carino. I just want my turn,” he murmured into her neck.

How could she stay angry when he says things like that? “Hold me, too. Never let go.”

“Always.”


End file.
